Why do i continue to play games instead of working on projects?

Why do i continue to play games instead of working on projects?

No social life - feel a strong need to get some social interaction.. so at nights i much rather go online and play games with friends, feel starved for social interaction?


When i try think about how i feel or dig deep into my bundle of thoughts and feelings around gaming it goes something like this:
I get this contraction in my stomach, sometimes in my chest, at the thought of having to exchange gaming time for something productive.
I enjoy working on projects when i eventually manage to get myself to do something, but i think theres this ever present fear of failure... fear of it all being pointless and meaningless and just a waste of time. Logically i think my ideas have the potential to work but sometimes i get stuck on something and end up having to waste the time i mentally prepared (for just coding) on finding a workaround or doing research when all i wanted to do was put in some time and write some code. It is demotivating. What do i think? I think something like i'll never be successful, these ideas are just hair brained, im not good enough, i get stuck on something that should be easy so thats proof that im just no good and i should just give up. Then i hear those thoughts and i just try to power through and sometimes i make it through and sometimes i dont and the times when i do i feel exhausted and relieved and have still just lost the motivation to work further. Then that feeling stays with me for weeks, where i try and avoid remembering what that felt like... kinda like im trying to avoid facing a truth. I feel disappointed, worthless, a failure, i then DO the act of distraction again. Gaming, TV, etc.
How do I break that cycle? Is it as simple as just reminding myself that its part of the process? That I need to not want everything be a success straight away? In some sense im setting myself up to fail just as im setting up friends to fail ... i have such a small margin of success... like it has to work right now or it will never work. I have to be great at this right now or i will never be great. I feel an anxiety at the thought of something taking weeks or months... my chest tightens... I'm afraid of wasting all that time just to prove that i'm no good, that i'll never be able to escape the bonds of being an employee, that im not good enough to be my own boss and make my own business work. 

Until recently i never knew how much negative self talk i was doing without even realising it consciously.

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