Meant to serve

 Sometimes i think that nothing is ever going to make me happy. Like maybe its all just really boring eventually. You can go to a place and do a thing and at first it will feel like you finally found something that is going to give you happiness. But then after a while perhaps shockingly soon it will wane and you'll be back where you started and you will have wasted all that energy. But then I guess there are only two paths to happiness: 

You either have to abandon all eternal pursuits, just give up completely, be mindful and zen or you have to continue moving like a shark from one thing to the next, the continuous pursuit. It feels like a combination of the two is how we are meant to live, thats how our nomad ancestors lived, thats how most mammals live. Free to just go wherever, constantly discovering new things but not because you feel compelled to chase down an end to your own emptiness but just because it is the natural course of your existence inside of nature.

I had the thought that my gaming addiction is akin to people having families and children. Its just a constant distraction from yourself, a way to fill the void with extrnalities.

Maybe true happiness lies in utter self abandon, letting go entirely of your own ego. Like the true purpose of every individual is to serve the tribe and your ego is just a tool to help you facilitate and evaluate this ultimate goal.

But now there is no tribe, there are too many people and we are left alone with our own egos for too long to the point that the manifestation of the ego becomes perverted. Perhaps having a family is as close an approximation or simulation to our nomadic ideals as we are likely to get.

Jordan Peterson says we are meant to work constantly but i think that is slightly misguided. It makes us sound like owner-less automatons, beasts of burden.

The more accurate narrative is that we are meant to serve the tribe until we die.