Why do i procrastinate on actual work too?

 Why do i procrastinate on actual work too?

At first blush it feels like a bolt of pain goes through my body but its not pain at all, not physical, more like emotional pain or something. Instant fear of discomfort and regret. Regret what? Regretting how i will feel? What will i feel? bored? Struggling to get something done, which in turn means im no good? Or is it just frustration?

Its like if the work is complex for no good reason, i.e. requires a lot of focus but is not at the same time engaging or interesting then that wears on me, then it means i have to just slog through it, i get easily distracted because the monkey on my back needs feeding and keeps chittering and chattering about this and about that. Results in exhaustive effort. So in anticipation of this... just thinking about having to do this sort of work sends my mind fleeing into the arms of soothing escapism. Is there a way to reframe this?

I only feel this with certain tasks, like ones where it is cumbersome to perform because one has to go into super focus mode to keep track of all the touch points of implementation, because the system was setup in a poor way originally which makes implementation tedious. When working on new stuff, where i understand the requirements and have a clear path towards completing it without having to fight the tools or existing code, i have no problem jumping in enthusiastically, taps into my creative and problem solving side, which is why i think i got into software development in the first place. This is a state of grace.

The other slogging work is like trying to untangle a box of cables. And while im busy doing it it kinda feels like it is going to last for the rest of my life, i cannot detach from my need for immediate results, i conflate "just for now" with "forever". "this is my life now".

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